I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize