Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
