Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
