You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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