Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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