he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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