My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
