u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
two words: eviction party
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
