i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
