I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
