Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Enjoy the penises
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
