I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
