First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize