considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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