My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
