I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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