You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
