Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
