Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
