I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I see more hoeing in ur future
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
