yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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