it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
