i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
