The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
