he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
