my soul wont recognize me after tonight
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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