There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
