I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
