So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
