i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
