I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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