it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
