I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
