Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
