I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize