I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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