i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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