Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
try to milk me bitch
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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