We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
