Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
