You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
