If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
