Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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