After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
