You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize