Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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