Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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