I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Watching her eat just hurts me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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