I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
