Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
