I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
