Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
