okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
