I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
