is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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