Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
