tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
