Tell her she can't have a vagina
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
