His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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