all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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