I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i need some magic done to my vagina
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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