Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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