Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
