names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Damn victory sex feels great
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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