I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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