Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
