Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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