Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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