Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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