Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
