can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
