It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
