i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
