I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
