one might say we're banned from that church
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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